PERFECT SENSE

“The thing is… I’ve played a sport for more than half of my life.”

“So?”

“So”, I said, “you’re only saying this-”

“Yes.”

I was walking on a road that would nauseate me at other times and I knew I was doing it only because she was doing it, and that’s not sacrificial or ‘making do’, and I’m not ‘conforming’ either. People come in two kinds – like and dislike, and sure there’s the in-between but that’s the point: They’re not people at all. And needless to say, like and hate are two different frames of mind, not necessarily contradictory or mutually-exclusive so I can just be sure about the ‘frames of mind’ because it would be too chaotic to like something and hate it too, that points at duality of mind, a mental multitask that’s utter bullshit. My point is that to get to liking something you’ve hated for long, well… It’s just an evolution and every person is perfectly capable of that.

“No”, I shook my head. “I can’t do it.”

“Why not?” she smiled at me, curiously.

“Well…” I shrugged, “I guess I’m not that masturbatory.”

Her laugh was more of a reaction than anything I could have asked for, in response to which I looked away grinning, shaking my head in disbelief at the nonsense I had just said.

“But”, I tried rectifying my position. “But… Knowledge is, perfect sense.”

She nodded as her hair nodded with her. “Knowledge is perfect sense.”

You should have looked at her. I mean, I can still be placed under the allegation that this is fleeting, this notion of her that I had cemented in my mind and you could say that cement dissolves, given its time and space, but you should have looked at her. ‘Kes’, and incredibly so.

I looked at my wristwatch, something I wore just to highlight the occasion.

“I lost my old wristwatch”, I said to her, still looking at it. “I never threw it away.”

“You shouldn’t compare-”

“No I’m not”, I shook my head again, looking at her. “I don’t have a compulsive mind, it takes its time… I’m sorry about that.”

She could see that I was fighting emotion, maybe even tears but this was a test. Even if she had meant exactly she said and nothing less, this was a test.

“You get accustomed”, I began, strained, and I decided then to not take the bend. “Getting used to love isn’t reason enough to quit, is it?” I asked her while she quietly hummed ‘The thrill is gone’ – too suggestive for me to take. I had stopped walking and she figured that out after a couple of steps.

“I’ll see you tomorrow”, I said, looking down.

And I could visualize her being incredulous with her smile.