lydia(?)

Maybe I’m getting to speak so straight these days that I’m not getting to ride the bend at all? I don’t know, but it’s a hell lot of fun to be coming from around the bend because people don’t see what’s coming until it hits them, or even after it hits them, and that makes the bend the only tangible way for the world to be dealing with things it already has.

I’ve been having these thoughts lately, and these aren’t cosmological thoughts, they’re just plain depressing ones, perhaps, or just… thoughts. I’ve always questioned the idea of a lot of things coming from a less-constituted something that was actually pretty substantial to be making the whole of it, and then I figured the earth was just a mass of an oddly shaped solid ‘balled’ by chemicals – and that that’s about all of it. It’s not a round anymore, it’s just some weird spiked ball, it’s chemicals and it’s gravitation – just like some bunch of laws, observations and interpretations stringing it to be what it is, and boy isn’t that depressing!

Kind of made me remember the ‘Dreamers’ quote again – “Everything shrinks.” Everything does shrink when it starts to make sense, and then I wonder if it would be better left alone than explored. That way footballs would stay footballs and not projections of ultramicroscopic dots in space.

Let me head out of that track with that picture. I’ve had this ‘Annie Hall’ idea inside my head… okay, wrong way to begin it. I’ve been having this idea inside my head to make something out of what I’ve come across about ‘two people’. Wonder if I could make it into a term, you know ‘two-people’ and kind of brand them as an entity that can simply not exist in fragments. Like, if you’re taken once, then you’re just half the man and you’d always be so. And this isn’t some cushion for the ‘singles’ to lean on. It’s just a special kind of ‘singles’ who are allowed to empathize, and that’s ‘single’ and not ‘awaiting response’ or ‘taking a break’ or ‘bachelor party’. I hope you get what I’m saying.

It’s going to be a huge challenge to write this without actually resembling anything in the varying degrees of history – ‘Annie Hall’, ‘(500) days of Summer’, et al. And it’s not admitting defeat to actually base things upon those movies and go ahead and embrace them, instead of trying to stick out. A Woody Allen type of humour is entirely tangible, as is Marc Webb’s (I forgot the writers’ name, not looking up) idea of making sense and steering clear of bullshit. So, I don’t know where I’m heading with this from here, although I see some patches of road blurred by sun – sometimes things are too bright that you can’t make out what they’re structuring themselves to be. It’s not always darkness that blinds, or it’s never the darkness that blinds. Someone quote me on that.

I know one thing for sure – I’m not going to name it ‘Lydia’ and that’s just because I know a Lydia and it’s no offence. Not ‘miss B’, either (not that I’m beyond ‘her’), I’m just looking for something that would cut me off of the threads that hold me down so I can at least float around and make some sense? ‘Lydia’ (as made famous inside my head by John Mayer, twice) would mean flesh and blood; a quantization, and I wouldn’t want that. I’m not looking for entities – I’m looking to create one.

Let me end this thing with a line I conceived for this play or film or whatever it would come out to be.

(pompous-looking ‘showgirl’ with coy smile) “you're imagining me naked, aren't you?”

(Woody Allen sarcasm) "trust me, there's not much for the mind to do."

goes with how she’s ‘dressed’. And that’s definitely not the ‘Lydia’ replacement.